the real me maybe?

this is going to be hardd

the real me and why im the way i am i cant trust many people because im so fucked up its hard ive got 3 people who i can tell everything to danael kathryn and devin i cant tell storys cause im afraid to get judged i want to fit in with everyone i fake being happy 75% of the time because i feel if im sad someone else has to wrry about me my dad left when i was three and i just am now getting close with him i miss him as the days go by im no where near as happy as i used to be i have to listen to music cause it keeps a smile on my face cause its the place i feel happiest singing make me feel happy i feel like i express myself more singing something i have a cold heart and im self centered as all get out i never talk about my feelings cause i like to keep them inside so no one knows whats going on cause i like to help people more then people help me i hate being a burden to anyone i dont know anything im honeslty dumb i dont know how to do anythign nothing can keep me satisfied its hard for anyone to stay with me cause i get really nervous and worry about anything and everythign i tihnk everyone will leave me so i just push them away from the start i hate maknig new friends cause they will leave in the end i hate doing anything productive cause i never feel good enough im always nervous and i really hate eating i never sit still because of this stupid adhd i never feel like im as outgoing as everyone says i am my moms the only person left in my life and shes the only on i feel believes in me and sometimes i jsut feel like a giant let down sometimes i honestly get so down i feel like actually killing myself (i really need a theripst) i turned away form jesus because i never felt like i was geed enough fro him or anyone else on this damn earth for that matter i hate the fact that everyone tells me im to loud and i always make myself fit in i dont know who i really am anymore i want to make someone proud i hate that my father left cause now i sufer from this stupiud anixety shit and freak out all the time i have anger managment because i bottle up every emotion ive ever had i follow more trends then anyone else ever has i try to be everything im not i watch way to many love movies cause thats the only place love seems real i hate the way i loook and yet i dont change it i dont know what i want out of life anymore i feel like everyone around me is moving fast and im not i moved so much as a kid i kinda decided early that was life and i hate staying in one place for to long people always wonder why i make faces because if i make a face someone laughs and i feel the slights bit of joy out if it and it give a little bost for the fake smile on my face i just want someone to fall for who i really am not the fake person i keep being i need more then just love anyways i sleep so much so i dont have to deal with the pain i really hide im a mess i dont know where to begin with it i never knew life was hard see the thing is i never really knew anything i dont want to have someone worry about me i hate that feeling i just want to help everyone else who cares about my problems i hate them i wish they would all go away i was picked on ever since i was a kid about everythign about my hair my face my shortness or looked at cause my boobs were big or my legs were nice or my teeth were straight i tried to have a different boy to look bad ass or something idk why stupid reasons i guess i hated being alone it just pointed out how alone i really was i dont like having stuff pointed out so i dont take critism well because everythign was point out to me as a child i wish i could say all the things i feel but i dont know how to im not as happy as everyone thinks i hate almost everything because its all just gross to me and i dont know why i love the spring cause everythign goes from rainy to sunny kinda like me happy to sad in a matter of minutes


im a mess and i dont know what to do with myself anymore


the end?